This iPod is amazing

It really making my life so much better. Best thing I ever bought.

Speaking to KWYNN for the first time in about a year.

I'm so on cloud nine right now.

Loving my new iPod

loneliness

The silence in my heart,
The joy in my ears
The loneliness so bleak
All my limbs want to weep

I lay all day and watch all night
listening to the clock tick
unforgivingly through each week.

My faith in self is shattered
and faith in friends is lost
to turn to i have nothing
but my base desires and wants
I do not despair nor do i cry
but that which i keep
is much worse inside

Bare hatred tis thee
that balances my all
my love and lust are nought
and tis thee i seek for warmth
I look around me each day
at smiling faces all round
and with each second it gets harder
to fight my demons and smile again.

I hate, I sleep, I watch
and fear that each second
takes away a new notch.

My Birthday

Today I woke up, as happy as can be
full of hope,joy and dripping with glee


the day went by nicely and slow,
each second bringing to me a whole new glow.

All this i enjoyed till i looked in the mirror, and was struck by the beast i saw beyond the glass.

an ugly black being, with fat thighs and a spotted face
a wretched shell not worthy of the human race.

I hate myself, and everything about me.
From the tip of my head, to the toes i can see.


I'm fat, lazy and have nothing to offer
with delusions of grandeur, and an eating disorder.

The thougth of suicide seems so comforting,
It beckons to me like a silver lining.


but like the coward i will am , i never see it through,
 choosing to believe that everyday life will get better when the only thing each day brings is more crying.

I do sympathize with my mother, knowing she would really be hurt at the time of my death,
so all i do is dream of it, the day i will choose to utter my last breath.

Damn the Gods for making me the way I am,
for the thoughts I indulge and impulses that are banned

for because of them each day is horrible, sad and hazy.
but at least i can find refuge in my poems, the eternal refuge of the meek and lonely.

Awkward situations

Ok I know I haven't been putting that much effort ( or hardly any at all ) into this blog but that's because my original plan for it was for it to be an outlet for my creativity. However I have been too lazy to write stories or poems lately so I'm turning it into a place where I talk about most of the things I come across in my life and by far one of the most frequent things i experience is awkward situations.

Whether its along a long hallway when you have to walk by some random person you dont really know, or if its at lunch when you find yourself sitting alone, these are one of the worst times of your life (obviously not but they still suck pretty hard).

As a loner, I get into a lot of awkward situations on the daily basis and though i know not many people might see this. If you do please leave a comment telling me what kind of awkward situations you encounter in your life.

Gossip

It is so hard to concentrate on anything around me when people talk. For some weird reason I always find myself fully concentrating on what they say. Even while typing this I was only able to devote like 30% of my attention to it.

Gossip is a horrible thing,

unfortunately its also one of the sweetest things in the world.