My Birthday

Today I woke up, as happy as can be
full of hope,joy and dripping with glee


the day went by nicely and slow,
each second bringing to me a whole new glow.

All this i enjoyed till i looked in the mirror, and was struck by the beast i saw beyond the glass.

an ugly black being, with fat thighs and a spotted face
a wretched shell not worthy of the human race.

I hate myself, and everything about me.
From the tip of my head, to the toes i can see.


I'm fat, lazy and have nothing to offer
with delusions of grandeur, and an eating disorder.

The thougth of suicide seems so comforting,
It beckons to me like a silver lining.


but like the coward i will am , i never see it through,
 choosing to believe that everyday life will get better when the only thing each day brings is more crying.

I do sympathize with my mother, knowing she would really be hurt at the time of my death,
so all i do is dream of it, the day i will choose to utter my last breath.

Damn the Gods for making me the way I am,
for the thoughts I indulge and impulses that are banned

for because of them each day is horrible, sad and hazy.
but at least i can find refuge in my poems, the eternal refuge of the meek and lonely.